From the Heart
by dev.daily
Summary: Troy's journal entries after a tragedy. Filled with love, sorrow, and hurt.   ONESHOT R&R.


**A/N: This story is kind of sad, but it's dedicated to a few of my friends in particular who have dealt with similar situations. I don't wanna put names, but just know that I wrote this for a specific reason. I wrote this last month on spirit day because of the many recent suicides of LGBT youth. I want to dedicate this in particular to Jamey Rodemeyer because his story touched me SO much. RIP Jamey and I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did. **

**And btw Gabriella isn't gay or lesbian in this story. Just bullied and abused.**

_**September 27, 2010**_

_So I'm…well I won't put my name, but I kinda have to do this. Not just for them, but for me. I have to get this out someway and when there is no one there to listen, this is the only option I have._

_They gave us all a black and white composition notebook and said this would make it easier- the grief counselors did. They told the whole school to write down their thoughts, or feelings and anything else relating to the 'tragic event that have left all of us at East High speechless'._

_During our assembly, they said it was all about 'letting everything out' and 'letting go'. But you see the problem with that; how do I let go, when I couldn't even latch on? It's harder to release all of the shit I've kept bottled in when…when… I could've helped._

_The counselors said 'don't blame yourself' and 'you couldn't have changed things', but I know if I had just spoken up that maybe she'd be here. And I honestly can't even fathom why I didn't see all of this coming…no why I fucking ignored this. All of those signs that they told us about in Health class were there. I watched her go through the steps. I saw all of those goddamned changes. _

_They said that the person might have a change in appearance. She never wore colors anymore. Every day, she'd be dressed in black from head to toe. The girl who'd wear pastel sundresses and flowy skirts did a complete 180. Oh, and she dyed her hair bright fucking red. Why didn't I say anything? She changed the beautiful brunette locks that I used to stare at just because she was my best friend and my next door neighbor. Just because she'd always been there and I assumed she'd always be there…_

_Another common symptom was the moodiness and the guilt. She would just jump on me for nothing and come knocking on my window at three o'clock in the morning. And there's another sign; irregular sleep patterns. The signs were all there and I did nothing. No, I did worse than nothing. I acted like she was fine. I acted like she was the girl that I had known since diapers and she hadn't changed at all. _

_They said if we had any unusual feelings that we HAD to talk to someone. That it was absolutely necessary. They made us all have a one-on-one even if we didn't even know her. No one even knew that I'd known her. I just sat there, emotionless, the whole session. But I mean what did they want me to do?_

_What did they want me to say?_

_That I fucking LOVE the girl that just killed herself?_

_That she was the only person I ever told EVERYTHING to?_

_That I feel- I feel USELESS because she was hurting and I didn't do anything at all?_

_Or did they want me to say I know she's happy now? That she's not living in the hellhole where her dad abuses her, while her 'mother' watches? What words come to mind when you watch an asshole abuse the most beautiful and pure creature and there's nothing you can do? How do you sum up the life of someone who spent sixteen years enduring pain that she did NOTHING to deserve? I'll tell you how; you stay silent. Because no amount of whatever you call pain can ever equate to what that beautiful soul went through._

_I know I probably sound crazy through this whole entry, but how should I feel?_

_I'm just so mad…and sad…and happy._

_Mad because I could have been that person to save her._

_I'm sad because it didn't have to be like this. It SHOULD NOT have ended this way. _

_But I'm happy, too. I'm happy that his fiery hands will never touch you again. You're away from the pain. And I'm happy because I know that you'll be waiting for me when I meet up with you. _

_I love you baby girl, forever and always. _

_In pace requiescat, Gabriella. You're my angel now._

_**September 29 30**_

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><p><em><strong>October 3, 2010…?<strong>_

_I haven't left my room in a while. That might not be anywhere close to the date…_

_But I just had to talk to you, Brie. I don't know why but I feel like you can hear me louder when I write to you. If you can hear me or you're reading this or whatever…please know that I'm so sorry._

_I'm sooo sorry. You probably don't want to hear this and you probably think this is a crock of shit. But, honestly…I don't know what else to say to make you understand that all I want from you is forgiveness. _

_If I had just called you every night or driven you to school every morning or just kept some type of contact to let you know I still loved you. That I __STILL__ love you, more than anything I've ever known and more than anything I ever will know. _

_God, I feel so stupid. If I had just reached my hand out to you, I could've pulled you out and you wouldn't have drowned. If I had just had the balls to risk my reputation and let you know that you meant and currently do mean the world to mean. I let all of the 'popular jock' shit get to my head. They said 'don't get involved with that freaky girl Montez' and I fucking listened to those dumbasses. Do you know how pissed I get just thinking about all that we could've been?_

_Why didn't you just talk?_

_I've never told you 'no' when you needed to talk to me. I always let you stay in my bed when he was looking for you. Why did you decide to end it? What made it all too much? Why couldn't you have said something? You took away your pain and you left me with a lifetime of hurt and sadness. I'm so sorry Gabi, I'm so sorry._

* * *

><p><em><strong>October 18, 2010<strong>_

_I'm not sure. It's been a while since I've left my room. I haven't been to school and my mom brings me food that's hard to keep down. The days all blur together._

_Gabi?_

_Gabriella…?_

_If you have any love for me left in your body, please come get me. Take me away with you. I honestly don't think I can make it anymore. _

_Is this what it was like for you, Brie?_

_Is this how it feels? Like you're trapped, with no one who could even begin to understand you?_

_Did it feel like the whole world turned your back on you when you needed everyone the most?_

_Gabriella Alesia Montez, I'm so sorry. _

_I wish I could go back in time and take the pain away. I want to go back and stop you. Take the blade and the pills away. _

_I wish…_

_I wish…_

_But I can't._

_And it hurts._

_And I'm sorry._

_And I want to be with you now, more than ever._

_Gabriella…?_

_Please_

_Come_

_Take _

_The _

_Breaths_

_Away…_

_Gabriella?_

_I Love You._

_I'm sorry._

_Please?_

* * *

><p><em><strong>No use putting the day, I have no clue what day it is.<strong>_

_I haven't eaten in a while. _

_I couldn't tell you how long because, I've lost all judgment of time. I don't remember how it felt like to be 'THE Troy Bolton: Golden Boy of East High'. _

_It's actually kinda funny, now that I think about it. NONE of my friends have come to see me. No one wants to know if I'm okay. The calls and the texts stopped coming a LONG time ago. _

_I guess my effect just wore off. I guess all good things come to an end._

_Like my popularity. _

_And your beautifully disastrous life. _

_I think a lot now. There's not much that I feel like doing and when I was thinking, I decided I want to marry you._

_Will you marry me, Gabriella?_

_I know we can't actually wed, but if you could send me a sign, then I might have reason to live. Ya, know?_

_So…will you? _

_I Love You. Please send me a sign. Any sign will do. _

_I _

_Love _

_You_

_Gabriella._

_**Help…**_

_Brie, I understand how you feel. _

_All I want is someone to pull me out. To tell me it's going to be okay. But the only person I'd listen to is you and you can't help me from the clouds._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Maybe…<strong>_

_Gabi, I think we might be together after all._

_I can see you. You're by a white light. Is this true Gabriella?_

_Brie, what are you trying to tell me? I can't understand you. Speak louder please._

* * *

><p><em><strong>The End<strong>_

_I can feel it Gabi._

_It feels like peace._

_Like eternal serenity. _

_You never answered me before, Gabi. So…will you answer me now? I don't need a sign this time, just an answer because we're almost face-to-face._

_Gabriella, will you mar-_

* * *

><p>Troy Bolton<p>

1993-2010

_**Troy Bolton slipped away from the physical world quietly on November 7, 2010. In his hand was a journal, in which he proposed to a Miss Gabriella Montez. His family plans to publishing his journal, as a part of a teen depression and suicide self help book. They hope to help others with the stories of Mr. Bolton and Gabriella Montez, a local teen, who committed suicide two months ago. He leaves behind his parents, a sister, and many friends and fans.**_

_**A joint memorial will be held at East High on the fourteenth of November. All are welcome. **_

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><p><strong>This was my very first oneshot. I REALLY hope you guys liked it. Remember to review!(:<strong>


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